Tagged: Mark Teixiera

Stop stealing the blanket, man!

Ring…. Ring…… Ring………


“Ummm. Yeah, Tonya?”

“Yes, this is Tonya.”

“Hey, listen. I’m inquiring about your services. You know…skills, connections?”

“Who is this?”

“That’s really not important. I just need your help.”

“Skills? Services? Connections? I have no clue what you’re talking about, lady.”

“Yes, you do…..My friends…ummmm…The Hamiltons, led me in your direction. They said, ummmm…you’re the person I need to talk to.”

“The Hamiltons? What?”

“Ummmm, I mean the Franklins”.

“The Franklins? Oh….the Franklins! I know the Franklins! Keep talking”.

“Well, you see…I’ve got a….situation…up on 161st street. We got robbed last night. Can’t let it happen again tonight. You know what I mean? I heard, ummm….that you’ve got a way to stop that kind of stuff. I’ve got the supplies already in the building.”

“You’ve got what I need already?”

“Oh, yeah. And a kid to hand you more supplies when you need them. I’m not fooling around sister. This ain’t Ice Capades.”

“Do you have a description of these robbers?”

“Yeah, there were a bunch of them. They got names on their backs, too. Pretty silly, if you ask me, that they need THAT kind of attention.”

“What time do you need my crew there?”


“Consider it done.”



“Megan…… Megan…….”

“Stop stealing the blanket, man! I’m cold….and having a great dream.”

“You don’t need Tonya Harding.”

“WHAT? Oh, yes I do. I need her like a bagel needs cream cheese.”

“And lox?”

“Oh yeah…mmmmm…lox.”

“Wake up!”


“Megan, wake up. Look, it’s me, Alex.”


“Alex! It’s 3 o’clock in the morning! What are you doing here?’

“I’ve come to tell you a bedtime story.”

*Eyes try to open, squinting. Alex Rodriguez is sitting at the foot of my bed. With a cape on*


“Megan, once upon a time, there were a group of guys, who wore stripes. A great group of guys. Hardest working guys out there on the diamond. They built a new house, during the offseason. A big, strong house. One day, they came home, to find a group of no good thugs. No good, I tell ya. They wore the color of the devil. And they robbed the place.”

“I know! I watched last night on YES! Jeez, Alex. You came all the way to Pennsylvania to tell me this? Tell me something I don’t know, huh?”

“There’s more to the story, little girl. They fought a worthy fight in the end.”


“Shhhh….The robbers may have won this battle, but they awoke the giant, Teixiera. A big, sleeping giant, who can swing his sword from either side. And now….he’s angry. And after sending two long balls into the stands last night, he’s not done. He’s gathered his minions, and a man named Joba. A man so fierce, with blazing pitch speed, and eyes…. so mysterious. A wizard on the mound. They will lead the fight to revenge!”

“Are you sure I don’t need Tonya Harding?”

“Yes, Megan. I’m sure.”

“Ummmmm….hey, Alex?”


“Ummmm…what’s with the cape?”

“I’m coming to save the day…..soon.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Go back to sleep, little girl. Dream pleasant thoughts, Megan. Happy thoughts…men in pinstripes…..shhhhhhh.”




So there you have it. Rodriguedomus came to me and told me HIMSELF, that the men in the devil’s color will be defeated; led by men named Teixiera and Joba. I feel it now. I FEEL IT! CAN YOU? Who’s with me?!!!!!

Sadly enough, they were robbed last night. Perhaps it was fate. Perhaps it was the smaller than average strike zone. Perhaps the rain delay didn’t help. Perhaps tipping pitches (ironically this is a household term now) had something to do with it. We all know that spying in sports is rampant among New England teams, don’t we? Perhaps last night’s game was meant to be the biggest wake up call this young season for the Yankees.

I’m awake now. I think the Yankees are awake now. And now it looks like a superhero is on the way, a little ahead of schedule, to join forces with his teammates in the coming days.  

The battle continues this evening at 7:05 in the Bronx.